Anything to Escape
by Paedella
Summary: Eren creeps away into the forest on a misty, muggy summer's night. There's neither room nor privacy to release some steam in the barracks. (oneshot) T or M


A midnight breeze moves through the barracks. Despite the aeration, humidity threatens to smother all life. It's a restless night on the base; both sheets and clothing are rearranged, lifted, and cast aside as the hours tick away. Weary young men and women lie awake unable to fight the stifling heat, let alone their ferocious anxieties.

It's said that a walk can do much to clear one's head. The theory is that exertion dampens fears and worries and gives a person something else to focus on. While walking oneself to sleep may have been feasible during the early days, years of training have dramatically cut its effectiveness.

Eren Jaeger knows this most of all.

And yet, he walks.

Out of the barracks and down the beaten, torch lit trail that leads to other wooden encampments. To the treeline and beyond, where the sounds of the woods come to life. Until the forest swallows him whole.

In the damp undergrowth, the humidity becomes an even larger burden. Underfoot, sticks break quietly, their sounds muted by dewy moisture. Upwards, there's neither sign of the treetops nor the stars. Still, the moon shines on through a heavy covering of clouds. At a clearing, Eren slows and sits upon the wooden base of a Titan training dummy. Nearby, an owl lets loose an echoing hoot to which a companion answers. The young cadet lets out a sound of his own - a sigh. It wasn't the humidity that was suffocating him, but the people. The bodies. The closeness. An uncharacteristically strong urge to flee had overtaken him and now he was here... and where was that? In the forest... alone... if not for the creatures who called it home.

That life was stressful was a given. Every day was full of uncertainty. The fuel of that uncertainty was usually Titan-related, but self doubt often came into play. At every failure, he thought of the cadets who went home the first week. They gave him strength to carry on, but there was always someone ahead of him - always room for improvement. The top ten rankings were fought for by those gunning for Royal positions, but he wanted that rank to prove his worth to the Scouting Legion. Usually these thoughts were easy to put out of mind; a cadet has little time to think with each day full to the brim with drills and exercises. Lately, however, the routine was stale. Had Shadis become soft, or had Eren become too strong to feel a challenge? Although he felt a slight surge of pride at the thought, he quickly reminded himself not to let his guard down. The best soldiers never relax. More likely than not, this was just a short lull in the action. A calm before the storm, as it always was.

Now Eren allowed him mind to wander. Comrades had bonded and become friends and enemies. Any loss would be devastating. He could pick out little quirks and flaws in each of them. Which of these little weaknesses would bring a soldier down in the heat of battle? Who among his class would be the first to die against a titan? Would it be a death of overconfidence or fear? To him, a death from plain weakness was not an option. Each day he resolved to become stronger – no – invulnerable. To guard himself from every side. To become a fighter, a savior, a leader. Now every muscle in his body tightened in response to his thoughts. It would be several minutes before he settled again. Having resolved not to think at all, he soon grew just as restless as he was back in his bunk. Meditation was never his strong point. Eren clenched and unclenched his fists, seeking to release the tension. Open, close. Open, close. He examined his hands. They were those of a hard worker. Scars and callouses were sprinkled here and there. It was mostly damage from hand to hand combat and sword training… mostly. His gaze soon shifted to a long-embedded sliver of wood in his left hand. He tried to stop the thought that was sure to follow. The housing beam. His mother. The Titan.

Eren cupped his head and collapsed into his lap. With each breath out, he tightened his throat in an attempt to mute the sobs, but his body shook in response. With head in hands and between legs, the humidity really did threaten to consume him. The aching in his chest grew until it was nearly unbearable. He opened his mouth enough to let loose a pained sound. That was all it took. Sounds escaped him that shamed him to the core. An animal crying alone in the forest. He fit right in.

After a few long minutes, the last tears fell away. It had been months since he last had the privacy to weep, and while it was somewhat satisfying, he longed for the company of Mikasa or Armin. He summoned fond memories of their reassuring touches and slowly regained his composure. Rising from his huddle, he took note of his sore thighs and soon began to rub them. Anything to soothe this pain.

His palms smoothed over the fabric of his night pants. They ran up and down the length of his thighs. The muscle underneath his skin was defined, but not bulky. It wasn't until he was holding it that he noticed his penis was erect. Eren took a moment to study his appendage. Although it wasn't the first time he'd had an erection, it was the first he'd seen it so clearly. Gorged with blood in the misty light of the moon, the veins and coloration were clearly visible.

As a hot wind blew lazily through the trees, Eren became appreciative of the warm weather. Such sensitive areas would surely recoil at a chill breeze. With a delicate thumb motion, he rolled a vein. The uncalloused parts of his hand stroked toward the tip. Eren sighed again, but this time it was not due to restlessness or emotional distress. He leaned against the wooden Titan and willed his body to relax. He smiled as he thought of how ridiculous he must look. Half supine, he looked down at his legs. There they lay bare and spread, with a blush-red cock right in the middle. A minute ticked past and he felt the blood return to his body. Noticing the loss of length, he reached back down. Again, he worked up from the base to the tip, taking pleasure in the pulsing sensation that grew stronger and stronger. He drew a breath in and held it, finding it heightened his senses. His forefinger and thumb circled the tip as he leaned back further. His back arched in a display of flexibility. As his right knee involuntarily drew up toward his chest, he remembered what would happen afterwards. Exhaustion and the sudden cessation of all good feelings. He lessened his hold and relaxed his body, not yet having reached his climax. He was determined to draw it out as long as possible. To milk this positive event for all its worth.

Eren lay on the wooden base, breathing in the heavy air. His heartbeat thudded in his ears. His left hand came up to wipe away damp strands of hair. As he stared up into the sky of the clearing, he glimpsed a hawk flying overhead.

"_Free,"_ he thought.

That hawk was free.

What had he hoped to achieve by lying here, touching himself? Just one moment of made up happiness…? A fake feeling of bliss? To be taken away from this terrible world if only for a second? He knew he'd only tricked himself… masturbation as a permanent escape was impossible. To seek in self-pleasure the contentment that's only available to those who move forward was ignorant and childish. Isn't that right? Isn't that what they say of the rich Sina-dwellers who buy their wives?

_No!_

Rejecting his thoughts, the boy reached down once more. For a good time. For fleeting freedom. For anything. He cupped and tugged, but it wasn't the same feeling as before. A sticky liquid seeped from the tip.

More watery tears from his eyes. More crying.

Another day.

The sun rising.


End file.
